Inner Thoughts

The fact that it hurts. It hurts to grow up. 
As you grow up you see people change. You witness their transformation.
Priorities change. Feelings deteriorate. Ages accumulate.

You see the ones you think you know best grow into ones you feel very distanced with.
And just how lonely you feel when all of your people are around.
Because you feel that they're strangers.
They just are not the ones you knew. 

And people say it is normal. That is a fucking part of growing up stages.
But what if i am not okay with it? 
Do i have another option? Could i have opted for anything else?

And as you grow stronger and achieve more things in life
You expect your loved ones to support and be there to enjoy life with you.
But that is never the ultimate response.
People get jealous. And jealousy turns them into sharp-edged knives.
They would kill to see you fall. And i am talking about your loved ones.

And your trust towards people just get thinner, and thinner, and thinner and disappear.
And suddenly the world is a bad place for you.
You are scared of getting hurt. Because you realize everything is not what it seems.
And you feel like you lost your senses. You can not tell if someone is bad or good.
And then you build barriers. So no one can enter. 

And it is not yet over. 
At nights when you look up to the ceiling, trying to sleep.
You start to question why people keep on betraying you.
Why people keep on turning into something they promised they will never be.
Why this happen to everyone you gave your trust to.
And it all circles into one answer.
Could it be you that is wrong? Could it be you are not good enough?
And the blaming continues. Then you lost trust to yourself.
Then you start hating you. 

Then you start questioning if love truly exists.
Will someone love you the way you are?
Will they hurt you someday?
Can you still call people best friends, friends, or lover?
You just do not think so anymore. And it hurts.
And people blame you for playing hard-to-catch.

Sorry for spamming. But i just think people have to realize what is going on.

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